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Our friends for over two decades, who has faced and conquered numerous challenges, her resilience is commendable. However, she's constantly caught off guard by others. Her partner walked away, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her friends vanished at that point, as they were drawn to him. This surprised her. She made greater energy toward our bond, likely grasped better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, many close to her have disappeared and she isn't sure why. Her previous job turned on her, despite the fact that she was highly competent, and she left not understanding why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us retired and are seeing time together, but I am finding my role between us is to listen. I start subjects and she changes conversation onto her own topics. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to propose factchecking or other angles.

She has been planning a holiday to a country I know well on several occasions even called home for a while. I tried to provide personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She really only wanted validation of her plans. I recently returned from four weeks in that place she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to act as a friend who cuts and runs without a word, yet I doubt she will ever comprehend the consequences of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Right now, I find myself in pulling back. What should I do?

Ways Forward

You could walk away, but it is not often the easy answer that we desire. But confrontation with the goal of working things out demands strength and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state how things go when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. Step two involves sharing how this leaves you feeling. There should be no argument about this. What you feel are your feelings, of course. Step three is to question how you are both can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. A helpful technique is to say to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts while I will not say anything for a set time."

This can be successful for promoting better communication.

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version regarding their experiences they won't let go of as it feels essential relies on it and it's all they trust. This is difficult because there's no clear path in such cases, just dead ends. Yet she could start out defensively before reflecting on your words. If you don't achieve a fix, it provides satisfaction that you've been honest with her.