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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the concept that someone could instantly end all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed glossary to the words this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits signaling a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions confirm your choice to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly extinguish any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {